The Best Methods To Build Rapport

Understanding and Growing Self-Esteem

Self-esteem is a phrase that has come to mean a lot of different things. In some ways self-esteem  is a self descriptive phrase, but it has also become a controversial concept with many different meanings.  We know self-esteem is important to have, but have also been taught that it's possible to have too much self-esteem. There are also many derivatives of self-esteem we talk about that may confuse us when we try to define self esteem; things like self-confidence, self-worth, self-assurance, self-love, self-acceptance, self-assertiveness, and self-responsibility.

"To trust one's mind and to know that one is worthy of happiness is the essence of self-esteem."- Nathaniel Branden.

For our purposes we will define self- esteem using three of my favorite definitions I learned from reading Nathaniel Branden:

-           Self-esteem is the health of the mind.

-          Self-esteem is the immune system of consciousness.

-           Self-esteem is the reputation we have with ourselves.

Just like the health of the body is a consequence or effect of many inter-related causes, so it is with self-esteem. If we wish to increase our health, we can only do so by working on it indirectly- by working on our diet, our exercise, our mindset, our environment. So it is with self-esteem. If we wish to increase our self-esteem, we can only do so by working on it indirectly- by working on those things that contribute to it.

Just like a body with a weak immune system is subject to the many germs in the environment and suffers from the effects of disease on a more frequent and more severe level than a body with a strong immune system, so a person with low self-esteem is subject to the "germs" of consciousness such as doubt, discouragement, judgment, avoidance, denial, and addictions and suffers from their effects on a more frequent basis and a more severe level than someone with a healthy self-esteem.

As for the reputation analogy, to have a reputation with ourselves implies that there are different aspects to us- there is the part of us that thinks, feels, and behaves, and there is the part of us that "witnesses" or "judges" the thoughts, feelings and behavior. This is essentially true- there is the ego and there is the Spirit or Soul. You might also think of it as the "self" (small s) and the "Self" (capital S). The Self is the true self- it is "God Within", our divine nature and potential, our inherent immortal being- that which existed prior to our birth and will exist after our death. The self is the physical or surface level manifestation that is temporary in nature. It is the physical body, its world is the five senses and the emotions, thoughts and beliefs that flow through it. Both self and Self are important parts of who we are. But for this analogy, self-esteem can be seen as the reputation the self has with the Self.

Without a healthy self-esteem as a foundation, work done in any other areas of personal or spiritual growth will ultimately not last. If self-esteem is too week, there won't even be the basic motivation to try to improve or evolve at all. If we don't feel basically worthy and deserving of happiness and growth, no matter what we do, we will manage to self-sabotage ourselves so that our external reality matches our internal reality of what we believe we deserve. Just like we don't have to be in tip-top physical shape to begin a program of exercise, we don't have to have super healthy self-esteem to begin a program of personal or spiritual growth.

The Two Major Parts of Self-Esteem

There are two major parts to self-esteem:

1)      Self-Worth: feeling worthy to be happy

2)      Self-Confidence: feeling confident in our ability to think, cope and adapt to life's challenges

We'll cover each of these two major parts in their own article- because they are deserving of a more complete understanding. But we can see that both sides are important- we must feel both worthy and able to function in this life and to find happiness and meaning. They are two sides of the same coin. Without feeling worthy, no matter how able we may think we are, we will self-sabotage our progress. Without feeling able, no matter how worthy we feel, we will procrastinate and avoid required action to bring about our growth and we will feel overwhelmed by life and "stuck" as we watch life pass us by. As we increase our perception of our worth, we also increase our perception of our ability and as we increase our ability by taking on challenges and overcoming them, we also increase our perception of our worth. So the two sides act as either a virtuous cycle of upward momentum into spiritual and personal growth or a vicious cycle of downward spiral into depression and stagnation. Just know that no matter what direction you happen to be spinning at this time, you can turn it around- which is good and bad news I suppose. But that's life.

Eight Practices for Improving Self-Esteem

There are also several important life "practices" that contribute to a healthy self-esteem. I use the word "practice" often because it's such a great word to describe a process of working on some skill consistently, over time- like practicing the piano or the cello. It isn't something we just decide to do and we're done. Like practicing the piano, we start where we're at and little by little increase our proficiency and artistry by practicing. We make lots of mistakes, but we don't give up or feel embarrassed- we just try again with no anger or shame or even expectation of perfection because- it's just practicing. Some days of practicing we make great progress, followed by days of seeming setbacks, and most days seem like routine without much of a noticeable change at all. But over time, every moment spent practicing contributes to the overall level of proficiency and artistry that can manifest through us. I like to think of all of life as practicing- we're practicing to be good human beings, mothers, fathers, husbands, wives, friends, business people, citizens, etc. So- here are the practices that contribute to a healthy self-esteem:

1)      The practice of living consciously

2)      The practice of self-acceptance

3)      The practice of self-responsibility

4)      The practice of self-assertiveness

5)      The practice of living purposefully

6)      The practice of living compassionately

7)      The practice of living with integrity

8)      The practice of living selflessly

Each of these practices is worthy of their own article, and in due time it will be done.

Is Self-Esteem a Natural Birthright?

Some well meaning people in your life may have tried to teach you that self-esteem is a birthright, something we have only to claim by repeating affirmations or mantras. Others may believe that self-esteem is a gift that parents or others give children by telling them how much they are loved and affirming how great they are. These beliefs are based on half truths, and as such are non-productive.

While it is true that we all have inherent worth and unlimited potential as children of God, that potential must be brought forth from the realm of unrealized potential to the realm of actual reality through individual choices. While it is true that parents and others can have an impact on a child's self-esteem, self-esteem cannot ultimately be given to you by anyone but your Self- it must be earned and maintained through individual choices. Just as the health of the body requires the building blocks of health- good inputs and habits in the form of nutrition and exercise, so the health of the mind (self-esteem) requires the basic building blocks outlined above. The right use of consciousness is not hard-wired in to us, it does not come automatically. Rather there are conflicting tendencies of selfishness (from the self) and selflessness (from the Self) and the ever present element of individual choice connected with individual responsibility.

I see both a healthy body and a healthy mind as major life-long accomplishments against the ever present forces of entropy (dis-order). But just like it is harder to get from being out of shape to being in shape than it is to maintain being in shape, so it is harder to get from low self-esteem to high self-esteem than it is to maintain high self-esteem. This is the basic principle of inertia. It's interesting how the basic laws of physics apply to both the body and mind as well as to our physical universe. As we'll see throughout our entire journey of spiritual and personal growth, the underlying principles that govern the natural world also govern the world of our own bodies and minds. They are not just similar or applicable, they are one and the same.

 What Does Healthy Self-Esteem Look Like?

Can you see self-esteem? Yes you can. Just as you can see whether a body is basically healthy or basically sick by looking at it for signs of health or sickness that manifest themselves in the physical form, so you can see whether a person's self-esteem is basically healthy or basically sick by looking at the physical manifestations of self-esteem.

The following table summarizes some of the visible characteristics or external expressions of healthy self-esteem and unhealthy self-esteem:

- Healthy Self-Esteem

- Unhealthy Self-Esteem 

-Eyes are alert, bright and focused. A face that is relaxed and has good skin tone, a relaxed jaw and neck.

-Eyes are cloudy and darting. Face, jaw and neck are tense.

- Good posture, stands erect, eyes looking forward. Looks people in the eyes with ease. Ease of movement and spontaneity reflecting that there is peace rather than war going on inside.

- Poor posture- slumping, hunching. Head and eyes downcast. Avoids direct eye contact, voice is timid. Awkward, stiff movement. 

- Relaxed and graceful walking gate, purposeful, but not hurried or overbearing or halting or dragging.

- Tense and stiff. Hurried and frazzled. Overbearing and aggressive walking gate or slouching, halting, timid walking gate.

- Ease of talking of both accomplishments and shortcomings with directness and honesty because the self-esteem is independent of either.

- Boasting, comparing oneself to others- either positively or negatively. Self-esteem is dependent upon how one "stacks up" against others. 

- Comfortable both giving and receiving praise or appreciation. Doesn't criticize or demean others or self.

- Uncomfortable giving or receiving praise or appreciation. Overly self-critical or critical and demeaning of others.

- Open to receiving criticism and feedback- actively seeks feedback and acknowledges and fixes mistakes. Self-esteem is not tied to an image of being perfect or even excellent.

- Avoids whenever possible getting feedback from others, resents feedback or criticism when it does happen. Seeks to hide or deny mistakes and blame others for results that are different than desired.   Self-esteem is tied to self-image of perfectionism or to what we think others think of us.

- Open to and curious about new ideas, experiences and possibilities. Flexible as to how things should be. Doesn't get upset when things go differently than planned.

- Closed and inflexible to new ideas, experiences and possibilities. Gets upset when things don't go as planned. 

- Language uses positive words of gratitude for the past, peace in the present and confidence in the future. Even in conditions of stress, there is a sense of dignity and harmony language and confidence that all will work out for the best.

-  Language uses words of regret and resentment for the past, exhaustion and intimidation in the present and fear and anxiety for the future. In stressful conditions the "woe is me" comes out in language. 

- Speaks in terms of experiencing joy and happiness. Seeks self-expression and is driven by joy.

- Speaks in terms of avoiding suffering or pain. Seeks self-avoidance is driven by fear. 

- Doesn't avoid facing up to weaknesses or mistakes. Not concerned with self-justification. "I am the problem, therefore I am the solution."

- Avoids facing up to weaknesses or mistakes, seeks self-justification. "It's not me that's the problem, it's _______".

You may have noticed a pattern in the above table. Healthy self-esteem is centered, grounded, very much the "middle road" whereas unhealthy self-esteem can manifest itself in either the manic or the depressive state depending upon the individual or the circumstances. On the depressive side, low self-esteem shows up in expressions of timidity, shyness, self-demeaning talk and a "stuck" state of little action. On the manic side, low self-esteem shows up in aggressiveness, in competitiveness, in being overbearing, bossy and controlling- things that on the surface might be mistaken as signs of high self-esteem or high self-image, but are really signs of an unhealthy mind (low self-esteem). 

Can You Have Too Much Self-Esteem?

I don't believe so. It would be like asking "can you have too much good health?" You can have too much ego dominance of Spirit or self dominance of Self- but as we've already explained, that is actually a symptom of too little self-esteem, not too much. If we understand self-esteem to be the health of the mind, we see that health is all about proper balance- about being centered, grounded, properly functioning and in harmony. Extremes on either side are unhealthy.

People with high self-esteem are not driven to make themselves look better than others and they don't measure themselves against others. Their joy is in being who they are, not in being better than someone else. They listen first and when they speak it is with compassion and encouragement.

Just Do It Today!

It's my aim to have every article I write conclude with some action you can take today to put the principles discussed in the article to practice in your life. Otherwise, it's just another article that doesn't really change much if anything for you and that would be a waste of both your and my time and effort.

So today, take a few moments to review the table of what healthy self-esteem looks like, only this time, be compassionately honest with yourself. Have your Self be the coach of your self. Ask your self the following questions:

- "Based on the principles outlined in this table, on a scale of 1-100, how healthy is my self-esteem right now?"

- "How do I exhibit signs of unhealthy self-esteem in my life? Do I tend more toward the manic or the depressive?"

- "Am I willing to take up daily practices that will improve the health of my self-esteem?

The goal here is awareness, not perfection or solving all our problems- just being more aware of how unhealthy self-esteem tends to show up in our lives- so we can see it when it's happening instead of being blind to it. This awareness is a critical first step, because we can't improve what we don't think needs improving. On the other hand, we might be all too aware of our unhealthy self-esteem. If that is the case, the goal is not to let the self demean and belittle itself even more, but to accept what is now and know that it doesn't have to stay that way and by taking on the various practices that contribute to healthy self-esteem, we can and will improve our self-esteem.

For me, when my self-esteem gets "sick"- when the health of my mind deteriorates, I tend more towards the depressive side. I compare myself negatively to others I think are accomplishing more than I am. I see people my age or younger that I perceive have more of something than I do and I can start getting down on myself. When I do receive praise, I tend to diminish it or not acknowledge it as real. "No, really, it's not all that, I'm just an amateur." I also tend to avoid seeking feedback from others, or confronting issues head on.

Everyone is a little different, and we all have work to do to improve the health of our mind. Again, the important thing at this stage is to become more aware, more conscious of how we exhbit syptoms of "sick" self-esteem. Then we can notice it when it's happening and take a step back and watch it happen- seeing it for what it is. From this position of increased detachment, or increased witnessing, we can begin to do something about it, instead of just blindly reacting and not being aware of what's really going on.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/2605730

How Incredibly Successful People THINK

How To Have Courage

The way to get out of the comfort rut of fear and overwhelm that has been the obstacle to your dreams is to figure out "HOW TO HAVE COURAGE."

Fear is the single biggest obstacle for people being able to achieve their goals and dreams. Fear is subconscious... yet it paralyzes.

You've probably dreamed about specific things you'd like to accomplish, exotic destinations you'd like to visit or special places were you'd like to live, people you'd love to meet, or material things you'd absolutely love to have such as a new car or an awesome house.

Have you ever wondered how to make these things your reality?

Or have you consistently been hounded by the naysayers in your life who always tell you you're crazy and unrealistic?

Wait... You LISTENED to them? If you're serious, passionate and inspired to get what you dream about, why would you listen to any of these individuals?

Naysayers are aptly described as dream-stealers... They are negative individuals stuck in their oblivious realm of self-doubt and disbelief. They are unfulfilled and are not unhappy. The only passion they seem to have is their negativity. So, again, why would you listen to anyone like this?

Having dreams is exciting, exhilarating, uplifting and energizing. Just imagine how it will feel when you actually accomplish your goals and realize your dreams? That's right, they can absolute become your reality when you resolutely commit to that first step and figure out how to have courage.

You will feel amazing, fantastic, inspired, fulfilled, happy, successful, and courageous!

This will just be the beginning... and will be what happens when you have the courage to discover your passion and commit to take action to achieve your goals and realize your dreams.

So why haven't you make the decision to get out of that state of fear and overwhelm and commit to figuring out how to find courage, discover your passion, seek out like-minded individuals who already have what you want, learn from them, design a plan of action and started taking consistent, inspired action?

Maybe you feel overwhelmed because of the job, taking care of your family, keeping up with your finances, getting out of debt, overseeing your house, taking care of the pets, spending time with friends, are worried about getting a new car, wanting to go on a trip, donating your time to a cause you believe in... and on the list goes. Certainly, you can relate to these "overwhelming" components that make up what is called "Life."

The combination of a huge list of priority actions and all that fear leads straight to that never-ending black hole known as overwhelm. The best way to get away from fear and to get out of overwhelm is to figure out HOW TO HAVE COURAGE.

The realistic irony of fear is it only exists in your mind. That's right. Think about it. You can't touch it, taste it, hear it, see it or smell it. So why does it paralyze so many people?

This is the question of a lifetime for anyone who is serious about achieving their goals and realizing their dreams.

Theoretical answers can be found in books on courage that supposedly can teach you how to find courage. There are books about courage that can provide you with insights for how to prepare courage... that's right, how to prepare your courage. The bottom line regarding courage, is that to have courage, you must prepare by learning, taking action, becoming the appropriate type of leader, building on your strengths and skill-sets.

There are Life Coaches, Business Coaches and Success Coaches who specialize in providing insights and guidance to inspire committed individuals how to move past the obstacle of fear by working with you to teach you and inspire you how to have courage.

They will teach you that what you focus on is what you'll get back. The irony of fear is that it's subconscious. When you subconsciously focus on fear, more than likely your fears will come true.

I call this THE VICIOUS CYCLE OF SUBCONSCIOUS FEAR. When you have fears that consume you... beware of what they will do to you. They will absolutely keep you from getting what you really want.

Are you committed to breaking out of this vicious cycle? Are you passionate about your dreams and resolutely committed to learning how to find courage?

If you truly are, then know I'm feeling inspired. If you're committed to moving forward, let's get to it.

Courage To Find The FIRE Within: Invest In Yourself To Discover Your Passion will inspire you as it teaches you The 7 Principles of COURAGE.

That's right, it teaches 7 Principles Of Courage you can follow and take action by applying them to yourself and to your life.

How do you find courage? You prepare yourself, you build your skill-sets, your leadership skills. You work on yourself diligently, consistently, with passionate focus and you have patience. The foundation of Courage is your Mindset. This is how you begin to have courage.

The 7 Principles Of COURAGE are as follows:

C = Clarity of Destination

O = Origin of Inspiration

U = Unrealized Potential

R = Taking Personal RESPONSIBILITY

A = Awareness

G = Gratitude

E = Excellence

I am living the 7 Principles of COURAGE. They led me to becoming a signed, published (and Award Winning) Author, Inspirational Speaker and Success Coach.

They led me to discover my passion of inspiring individuals to prepare their courage, discover their own passion and start to live life the way they really want.

There is a secret to preparing your courage... You can't simply read the book, or any book. You have to TAKE ACTION and apply what you've learned. You must be consistent. This is the key to success... anything worthwhile, particularly your dreams, require ACTION, INSPIRATION, PASSION, and EXCELLENCE.

When you truly commit, and apply the 7 Principles of COURAGE by taking action, they will lead you, teach you, inspire you to prepare your courage and discover your passion.

No, it's not easy... It is the most worthwhile thing I've ever done (other than being a parent... ) in my life and it can be for you.

You must take the first step. Do it right now and take the first small step to begin to open the doorway to learn how to have courage, to find out how to prepare your courage and discover your passion... so you can start to live life the way you really want.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/7490417

UNBROKEN - Jim Rohn | Powerul Motivational Speech 2020 jim rohn motivation

7 Rapport Building Secrets That Make People Like You More

Have you ever wondered how to get past small talk when meeting someone new? Have you ever questioned how to build rapport with someone you have nothing in common with? Do you want to know the secret to getting to know people on a deeper level? If you answered yes to any of those questions, it's time to learn the art of building rapport.

Rapport gives you power for connecting with people successfully, and learning how to build rapport doesn't just help you at networking events; you can use rapport building skills in many ways!

You can use rapport building skills during interviews, performance reviews and when asking for promotions. Most companies are looking to hire people who get along well with others. If you're able to build rapport easily, you will be considered a better candidate for promotion, because they know you will be liked by your team.

You can use rapport building skills to develop higher levels of influence. The more rapport you have with someone, the more influence you'll have over them. As a manager, team member or a sales professional seeking to sell your ideas or products to people, influence is a must!

You can use rapport building skills to establish trust with others. People tend to trust people who are like themselves. That may not sound pretty, but that's reality. In order to build trust, you need to first build rapport so that people feel safe to share their thoughts, feelings and ideas with you.

No matter what your goal is with people, building rapport will help open the doors for you.

Here are 7 Rapport Building Secrets That Make People Like You More

1. Find Common Ground. I once had a customer that wanted to go sky diving. Few of us are brave enough to take that risk in life, and I had been sky diving twice, so I was able to offer ideas on which company was the best in our area. Having that in common helped me to connect with that customer instantly and start building a relationship with them.

TIP: To find common ground, simply ask people questions. The more you learn about someone, the greater your chances are to find a commonality between the two of you.

2. Use humor to connect with others. Laughing together builds a harmonious connection, and it creates an experience for people to have together. (Don't worry, if you're not funny, look up a couple jokes before you go to work or an event, and have them ready to inject into conversation.)

TIP: Never aim your jokes at other people. That will repel them away, instead of attract them to you. Self deprecating humor, on the other hand, can be quite funny!

3. Empathize with people. Empathy is simply the ability to step into someone else's shoes. I remember trying to make a grocery clerk smile one time. It was obvious she was having a hard day, so I started by saying, "I've had a long day as well." After that, she was open to listening to me and yes... by the time I left she was smiling!

TIP: When you empathize with others, you go from you and me... to WE.

4. Use their name. Dale Carnegie once said, "The sweetest sound to a person is the sound of their own name", but have you ever forgotten someone's name only seconds after you met them? That isn't because you have the memory of a carrot. It's simply because you didn't make a conscious effort to remember it. People feel special when you use their name. Have a goal to make everyone you meet feel like a VIP by using their name more often.

TIP: Next time you meet someone, say their name 3 times while speaking to them. That way you increase your chances of remembering it and make them feel special at the same time!

5. Match their words. Words have tremendous power. Simply by matching someone's words you can build rapport with them subconsciously; but you will want to be mindful of which words you use. Sometimes words work in your favor and other times they can work against you. Let's say someone uses the word "Fantastic", so you use the word "Excellent", thinking that you're matching what they've said. Excellent may not have the same meaning to them. They may have a boss they despise who uses the word "Excellent" sarcastically, and it makes them cringe when they hear it.

TIP: If you want to build rapport with others by using words, make sure you're using the exact words they use.

6. Match their pace. Have you ever been on a walk with a loved one and you look down and notice that you're walking on the same foot at the same time? That's because you have developed an intimate relationship with them and your pace naturally syncs together. Next time you're walking in the hallway with a co-worker or manager, try matching their walking pace. People will start to feel more connected to you and they won't even know why.

TIP: This also applies to when someone is speaking. Some of us are fast paced and others are slower paced. There's a rapport that develops on a deeper level when you're able to match someone's speaking pace as well as their walking pace.

7. Mirror their body language. Another way to connect with people on a subconscious level is to match their movement. If someone has their hand on their hip, put your hand on your hip. If they're animated with their hands while they're speaking, be animated with yours.

TIP: The trick here is that it must feel natural when you're mirroring them, or else they will be able to sense that you're being inauthentic.

Successful relationships are born through successful connections, and after learning how to build rapport effectively, you will have permission to connect and influence others at a deeper level.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/9710577

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Being Inspired in Life

Are you an artist? Or someone with creative skills? You just cannot complete your work if you're not inspired. You need to find inspiration to do something. To churn out the maximum creative juices, you need to find your inspiration.

And it's not just for artists. If you want to give a direction to your life, you need to be inspired. But the problem is, most people don't really know what inspires them. Let's see how you can find your true inspiration.

We all have different inspirations

While some artists are inspired by nature, others are inspired by humans and their ways of living. We all have different inspiration sources. Some of us need to look within for inspiration, while others have to look outwards. There is actually no golden answer when it comes to finding inspiration. Also, there can be multiple answers for an individual. I find inspiration in many things. And nobody can tell you what should or shouldn't inspire you. You have to find out yourself. I can only help you in your journey. When I look back at my life, I see that I have been inspired by different things at different times. When I was a teenager, I was inspired by my favourite band. I wanted to be a musician like them. As times change, our inspirations and role models change.

Focus on what you want now

While I still enjoy music, I don't really want to become a musician anymore. So music isn't my inspiration now. Today I have different goals and I get inspired by world travellers, entrepreneurs, and leadership. I find people amazing. I am amazed by their abilities and accomplishments. But I find that getting inspired by people isn't enough. This is why I also draw my inspiration from travel and nature.

Since inspiration sources keep changing, you don't need to think about the past for inspiration. Think about now. What inspires you and sets your soul free right now? Think of today. What do you want to do right now, or where do you wish you were? That will lead you to your source of inspiration.

Turn to nature

Nature is something that can inspire almost everyone. If you are feeling uninspired, go wandering. Clear your mind of all worries and go out in cool weather- just to enjoy the scenic beauties of nature. This is something that will take your mind off all worries. You will soon find inspiration in nature. From different plants to water bodies, to exciting animals- nature is full of surprises. Just relax and enjoy it, and you'll be inspired.

Here are some ideas

If you still are unable to find your source of inspiration, try these:

· Read biographies of successful or great people

· Travel and visit another culture. Mingle with the local people there and learn about them

· Go to photography exhibitions and see the beauty captured in images

· Go to the beach and enjoy a quiet walk. This will give you time to reflect on your inner self

· Go to new restaurants and try different type of food. Eat something that you have never tasted before. Many chefs get their inspiration this way

· Go out with friends and have a hearty chat over a long coffee break

· Read some interesting blogs that give some useful information

· Listen to a new kind of music. Select a new genre and enjoy it

· Teach other people. Impart your knowledge. This will give you happiness

If you really want to gain spiritual knowledge and inspiration, you need to be open-minded. If you have hatred for someone because he belongs to a particular country or religion, you cannot gain spiritual freedom. Remember, free your heart of all hatred. Be free in nature, and you'll find yourself being inspired. Stop being biased or intolerant. Treat everyone equally and with same love and compassion, and you'll find just love around you.

Leave your iPod. If you are going wandering in nature, make sure you leave your iPod at home. I have seen many people who go on early morning jogging sessions and plug their earphones so that they can cut themselves from the 'noise' of the nature. Just enjoy the nature and be one with it. Pay attention to what it is trying to tell you. Listen to bird sounds. It is all very relaxing and peaceful. Your favourite music might be really great, but there is nothing better than the music of nature. Enjoy it for a change.

And in the last, another thing that will help you get inspired: talk to people, socialise. The more you talk to people, the more you will learn. Without socialising, you are just sitting at one place and having one particular mindset. Leave that place. Stop stagnating. Meet different people and learn new things from them.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/7252567

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Building Real Self-Confidence

"Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy." - Dale Carnegie

I have been studying, writing about, teaching and applying the principles of successful living for close to forty years now. These principles are timeless, changeless and there for everyone to apply and benefit from. I have also discovered that the principles of success are often misunderstood, feared, misrepresented and lied about. None more than the principle of self-confidence.

The principle of self-confidence has been twisted and redefined into many things, none that truly represent what real confidence is. It has been called "Self-Centeredness" and often turned into a narcissistic search for self satisfaction. It is seen as an over inflated ego and people who are confident are the ones who step on others in order to get ahead. Self-confidence is presented as a lack of real ability replaced by a pushy and arrogant attitude that forces others to take notice.

Success-minded people need to understand that these negative descriptions of self-confidence are untrue. Real self-confidence is in reality not only a good quality but necessary for all success. Without it we lack courage to move forward, try new things and test our limits. It is a lack of self-confidence that leads to the mediocrity of many of today's leaders.

Have you lost your battle in trying to achieve your dream? Have you found that you know you can do better, have more and be successful in your dreams, but just cannot get yourself to do it? Few things will rob you of your ability to succeed, in any area of life, more than a lack of self-confidence. But to have that confidence, you must first understand what it is and how do you achieve it.

What Is Confidence

"Every achiever that I have ever met says, 'My life turned around when I began to believe in me.'" - Dr. Robert Schuller

Self-confidence is the knowledge and understanding that you have particular talents and strengths. It is the awareness of what you can do and the desire to do it with excellence to the best of your ability. Real self-confidence is not thinking you are better than everyone else but knowing that there are some things that you can do better than everyone else.

Where some may think that to have confidence you must have a big ego, the truth is that real self-confidence is humble and focused. The man or woman who possesses real self-confidence will do their job with excellence and not feel they have to let everyone else know that they did. Excellence is always recognized by those who see it. It is the person who lacks confidence in themselves who feels they have to point out what they do to everyone around them.

To be confident is to know that you have the abilities to succeed in certain areas of life. It is also recognizing that other have strengths as well and are better than you in some areas. This realization is not threatening to the confident person but celebrated. Just as they want to do their best, they rejoice in seeing others do their best as well. It is a lack of confidence that causes a man or woman to feel threatened but the success of others. Lack of self-confidence causes people to feel they are always competing with the next guy to be the best. If they are not seen as the best in everything; they become angry, depressed and nasty. We have all seen it before and it is never a pretty site.

Publisher, Marcus Garvey once said, "If you have no confidence in self, you are twice defeated in the race of life." To believe in yourself and your abilities is not prideful or egocentric. It is understanding that you must work hard to be the best at what you do. Why do you want to be the best? Not to show off or make others feel less, but you owe it to others to give them the best you have. To give any less is selfish and lazy on your part.

Why Do We Need Confidence

"No one can defeat us unless we first defeat ourselves." - Dwight D. Eisenhower

Helen Keller, a woman who faced more challenges and difficulties in her life than most people could even imagine, once said, "Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence." Why do we need to build confidence in our lives? Simply put, without it we can achieve nothing.

When you feel confident you have the courage to strike out and face the challenges before you. Self-confidence is the knowledge that you have the ability to achieve your goals. It is knowing that even if you fail at this attempt, you will learn from the mistakes, move forward and win in the end. People with confidence are those who develop the determination to keep keeping on, even in the face of great difficulties.

U.S. President, Abraham Lincoln was a man of great self-confidence. He failed in politics more than he succeeded, however, when he did succeed it really mattered. Starting with great disadvantages and many heart breaks, he was confident that he had something to give to his country. He was one of the more humble of all Presidents. Knowing full well that he could not do it alone, he build his Cabinet with the very best of the leaders of his day. Some were his enemies, yet he recognized their abilities more than their disagreements. He went on to become one of the most respected and cherished leaders in world history.

Lincoln's confidence was not a big ego that made him think he was better than everyone else. He knew he had to work hard for the things he wanted and he needed the determination to keep going, even when things did not go his way. He once commented, "I will prepare and some day my chance will come." Success in anything does not come because you think you are better. It will not come because you feel that you deserve it. It will not come because you believe it is your turn. It will only come when you prepare for it.

The motto of the Boy Scouts of America is, "Be Prepared". It is not wait your turn, go get it or you deserve this, it is "Be Prepared". Prepared for what? Here is how Sir Robert Baden-Powell, founder of the Boy Scouts put it, "Be Prepared... the meaning of the motto is that a Scout must prepare himself by previous thinking out and practicing how to act on any accident or emergency so that he is never taken by surprise." I believe that we also have to be prepared to succeed. When opportunity comes our way we must be ready and able to go after it. For the unprepared, opportunity always seems to happen to the other guy.

Self-confidence gives us courage and helps us to think clearly and correctly. There is no spending countless hours worrying about what we will do or if we can do it. With self-confidence it is not a question of "if" but of "when". If a person is thinking in terms of "when" they get their chance or "when" they face the opportunity, they will be prepared and ready for it. They will think of it every day and always be mindful of what is happening in their life so they do not miss a thing. Self-confidence makes us prepare and when we feel prepared we feel confident. You can see how this all build on itself and makes you stronger and stronger.

Building Confidence

Now that we have a bit of an understanding of what self-confidence is and is not; as well as why we need to build confidence, let's talk about how to develop self-confidence in our lives. I believe that some people have a greater ability to build confidence than others. There are those who's behavioral style leans to a more self-confident attitude and their nature is to build their confidence without a lot of focus or effort. I also believe that there are those who find it very difficult to develop self-confidence in any area of life. They are by nature shy, withdrawn and lack a real belief in their abilities. Yet, it is possible, and necessary, for every person to work on their confidence level so they can achieve the focus of their desires.

Self-confidence is an emotional force and therefore must be controlled and used. It is the same with anger, love, hate, passion, worry and other emotions that, if not controlled, can cause us great damage. At the same time, we cannot live without these emotions in our lives. They are like fire, when used and controlled, fire brings heat, cooks food, develops energy and more. Out of control and misused, fire is one of the most destructive forces on the planet. Fire has destroyed cities, taken countless lives and left total destruction in its path. Self-confidence that is not controlled and misused will lead to egotism, pride and emotional destruction. Self-confidence controlled and rightly used will lead to success, service and the fulfillment of life.

There are two distinct areas where we can deliberately and properly develop self-confidence. These areas are Physical, and Mental.

Building Confidence: Physical

"The more we do, the more we can do." - William Hazlitt

One of the best lessons I have learned from Tony Robbins is this: "Motion creates emotion". How we move and act has a great deal to do with the way we feel and present ourselves. This is a powerful truth for those who grasp it and use it. It will affect your health, your appearance and your attitudes.

Of the things I love to do, one of the best is to watch people in public places. I think that God must have hours and hours of entertainment just watching His creation. One of the things that can be quickly noticed is how people feel by how they hold themselves. People who are depressed, angry or burdened down with life tend to be slumped over, they walk slow and look down. Many will have a scowl on their face and avoid any contact with their fellow human beings.

On the other hand, people who are more positive and feeling good, tend to walk straight up with a bit of a swagger in their step. They move quicker and have a smile for everyone they come across. These people give the impression that they are happy to be wherever they find themselves.

Here is a test for you. Sit in a chair all by yourself. Let your shoulders fall and slump over a bit. Allow your breathing to be slow and shallow and look down toward the floor. Let the muscles in your face relax and frown. After a few moments take note of these things: 1) how do you feel? 2) what are you thinking about, positive or negative things? 3) are you happy or sad?

Part two: Now sit up straight and tall. Keep your eyes forward, breath deep and at a steady pace. Shake your arms and put them on your hips as if you were Peter pan and put a big smile on your face. Ask the same questions: 1) how do you feel? 2) what are you thinking about, positive or negative things? 3) are you happy or sad?

Most people will find that they feel their best, think their best and act their best when they have good posture and act in a pleasant fashion.

Look at successful people you may know. How do they move? When they are talking, what do they do? Remember that success leaves clues. You can learn a lot about success and self-confidence by watching successful and self-confident people and doing what they do.

Using movement and gestures will not just happen to you. It is a very deliberate action that will require you to pay close attention to what you do and a determination to act. Ask yourself this question: "If I were the successful person I desire to be, how would I move? How would I breath, talk, look at people and present myself?" Now, start to do that. Is this a fake it till you make it thing? Yes it is. Before you knock it try it. Dale Carnegie built his whole philosophy of public speaking on the this principle. He taught his students that they needed to act the part before they lived the part. You will find it works. If you do not want to act that way till you feel it you will stay just as you are. Decision is always yours.

"Believe in yourself! Have faith in your abilities! Without a humble but reasonable confidence in your own powers you cannot be successful or happy." - Dr. Norman Vincent Peale

We know that you can build the feelings of self-confidence by how you hold yourself, look and act. But the real battleground for self-confidence is in the mind. Self-confidence is all about what you think, your attitudes and what you believe to be true. If you do not get your thinking right, nothing else will last for long. The two areas all work together; the physical, and the mental, however, your thinking is the key to real self-confidence.

Have you ever thought about what you think about? Seems like a funny question, however, the vast majority of people never really think about what they are thinking about. They carry around negative and angry thoughts and wonder why they are not happy. They spend their time thinking about all that could go wrong in life and wonder why they are fearful and anxious. They think about how much work and effort it will take to succeed and wonder why they cannot get going on their goals. Ask yourself, "What do I think about most of the time?" Most likely, you will be surprised by the answer.

One of the differences between those who are success-minded and those who struggle to get their dreams focused and started, is how they think, not what they do. It has often been the case that some have read books or received some learning about success and yet never seem to achieve. They do all the "right" stuff but it does not seem to work as well for them as it does for others. That is because they are looking for what they do to be the key and what really matters is what they think about.

I have seen this in coaching people who wish to venture out into something they never have done before. Some will discover their dream, make a plan and approach it with the thought that they cannot fail and they will achieve this. No doubts and no questions. These people always, yes I said always, succeed in what they do.

There are also those who discover their dream and become excited about it. However their approach is, "I hope this works. Nothing ever really turns out for me the way I want it to." These people will always fail. Why? Because they have decided that they will fail before they even start. They have nothing to lose because they have invested nothing to win. When they fail they simply say, "I knew this would happen." Not only did they know it would happen, they planned for it to happen and they made sure it did happen.

Self-confidence is knowing that you will achieve that which you set out to do. It is not saying, "Oh, this is a piece of cake" or being arrogant and prideful. You know that there is a lot of work involved; it will not be easy or quick. However, you know that you will succeed and you will stay with it till you do. It all comes down to what Henry Ford once said, "If you think you can do a thing or think you can't do a thing, you're right."

Any study of success will find that the first and most important thing to get in order is your thinking. You cannot achieve all that needs to be achieved if you are thinking about failure. Success comes from filling your thought with what you want to achieve, how you can achieve it and what you can learn to move you closer to the goal. As Earl Nightingale said, "Every one of us is the sum total of his own thoughts."

Thinking is a deliberate act. You must chose what your thoughts will be and then work to keep them in line. The mind that is allowed to just run in any direction it wishes will always run down to the negative. It is our nature to think the worse and to allow fear to control our thoughts. Success-minded people work at keeping their thought positive and focused on the goal at hand. The human mind is a powerful force and only those who learn to use it for the good and to control their thoughts for the achievement of their goals will succeed.

We must always remember that out of all the things in the universe, the Creator gave us control over only one thing. He did not give us control over time, the weather, nature or other people. The only thing you have control of is you and your thoughts. Self-confidence give us the courage to take that control and become the master of our thoughts rather than our thoughts being the master of us.

"Confidence on the outside begins by living with integrity on the inside." - Brian Tracy

Several year ago I had a young man come to me for coaching. He was having a struggle in his career and personal life and felt he was "stuck in a hole" as he put it. We sat down to talk and the first thing he said to me was, "The one thing I don't want to hear is any of that positive thinking crap." I told him that in that one sentence he told me why he is struggling so much, that he will keep struggling in life and that he has no intention of changing that. Believing that I should not waste his or my time when no change will happen, I asked him to find a different coach.

Nothing is a more perfect kiss of death to success than a negative attitude. Negativity robs us of self-confidence and gets us to believe that we cannot succeed. Anyone who holds on to a negative attitude knows all too well that they never seem to move forward or achieve the level of success they desire. You just can't win with what Zig Ziglar called "stinkin-thinkin".

A positive attitude builds and strengthens self-confidence on an explosive level. When you feel good about yourself, your life and the world you live in, you know that success is there to be had. You get along with others and that is a key to any success. When people like you they want to help you and will present you with opportunities that others with a less pleasing attitude will miss.

If you have a position open and there are two people who have applied for it. One is very qualified and able to do the job. The other is talented but has not had the same amount of experience as the first. The first person however is negative and critical of others. The second person has a positive attitude and works well with everyone. Who will you pick? Of course the second - every time.

Success-minded people with positive attitudes believe in doing the impossible. They know that just because something has not been done before does not mean it cannot be done. In fact, they find the challenge fun and exciting. Because of that, they tend to find answers. I agree with American poet, Theodore Roethke when he said, "What we need is more people who specialize in the impossible."

A positive attitude does not only make others feel better and enjoy being around you, it will make you feel better and like being around yourself. It is just a fact that positive people are healthier, happier and get more done. When you see each day as a gift you tend to appreciate that gift and use it for the best. Positive people are grateful for all they have and for the ability to achieve their dreams. This builds the confidence needed to go after those dreams, no matter how impossible they may be.

"Often the difference between a successful person and a failure is not one has better abilities or ideas, but the courage that one has to bet on one's ideas, to take a calculated risk - and to act." - Andre Malraux

Success-minded people love a good quote. Reading any of my books, articles or blogs and you soon discover that I love a solid, meaningful quote. It is the wisdom of others passed down like fine treasures. English writer, Isaac D'Israeli put it this way, "The wisdom of the wise, and the experience of ages, may be preserved by quotations."

Quotations can be great self-confidence builders. It is like getting a pep talk from Benjamin Franklin, Abraham Lincoln, Napoleon Hill or countless other greats of our world. Here is an exercise that will prove to help build self-confidence and excitement in your day. Each day collect three meaning quotes. Things that you read that speak to you and encourage you. This is not hard to find, social media is filled with them. Try this for a week and see if it does not make a difference in how you think and feel.

Here is the catch to it all. Yes, there is always a catch. Quotes, as with all truth, does not make a lot of difference if you do not really believe them. Let's look at a few simple and common quotes. Each in its own way presents a simple but profound truth that when applied and believed can transform your life.

"What the mind can conceive and believe can be achieved." - Napoleon Hill
"You were born to win and the seeds of greatness are inside you." - Zig Ziglar
"Being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it to completion." - St. Paul

I am sure you have heard all these many times before and may even have them written down so you can review them from time to time. But ask yourself this: "How would your life be different if you really believed these words?" You see, many of us know all the right sayings and have heard and given great advice, but not many really believe it for a fact.

Self-confidence is the belief that you can succeed in life. It is not that you hope to succeed. It is not that you will succeed if everything works out right. It is not that you will succeed if you get the help you need. It is the belief that you will, in fact, succeed. You may not know how or when right away, but you know you will.

I am sure that you have heard or been asked the powerful question, "What would you do if you knew you could not fail?" That is more than something to stimulate your thinking or motivate your actions, it is a real and very important question. Your ability to answer this question will determine how you achieve your destiny.

If you knew you could not fail, how would you act? If you knew you could not fail, what would you attempt to achieve? If you knew you could not fail, what would you be thinking about all day? If you knew you could not fail, how would you communicate with others? What would your life be like if you KNEW you could not fail?

Here is why this is such an important question. If you believe that you could not fail to achieve your goal you would act and move with confidence. You would do what you may have thought impossible because you know now that it is not impossible. It is like the old U.S. Marine slogan: "The difficult we will do right now. The impossible may take a little while."

Here is an important fact. Take a minute to prepare yourself for it. Deep breath and sit straight up. Now read this out loud. "I can believe that I cannot fail because it is the truth." Get it? Read it again, this time with conviction. Believe it because it is a fact. For those who truly believe that they cannot fail, there is success every time. Why? Because if you believe you cannot fail you will never stop trying. If you believe you cannot fail you will always be learning and moving forward. If you believe you cannot fail you will be encouraged every day because you know if brings you closer to your goals in life. It is easier to stop a speeding train with your bear hands than to stop a person who believes that they will achieve their goals.

This where faith is a vital part of success-minded people's thinking. As a person of faith, I believe that I was created for a purpose. God had no quota to fill and I am not just a biological happening. It was God's intent that I be here at this time to fulfill a part of His great plan for all of creation. Now, if the Creator of the universe created me for a purpose, don't you think He has every intention to see that I fulfill that purpose? I do believe that and I believe that if God is for me, nothing can stand against me.

Be a success-minded person and live to achieve. Know and believe that as a success-minded person you can be confident that you will achieve your dream. What are the characteristics of a success-minded person? Simply, they are these: They do their best, have good manners, love God, discover the unknown and change their world.

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